I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
