I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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