A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
