explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
