I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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