Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
