it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
