Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
