i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
