I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
