if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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