He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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