those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
