just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
