It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
