You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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