In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I want to be your penis for a week.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
