Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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