When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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