I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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