I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do herpes really smell.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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