doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
