It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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