I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize