At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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