he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
