Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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