His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize