she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
