I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
