You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i now understand why vodka
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
