There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
