you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
