are you still at the devil's house?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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