But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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