How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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