roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
