I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
