a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My vagina is officially offended.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
