And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
