Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
