Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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