I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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