1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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