I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
