just come out here and I will go home with you...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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