What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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