we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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