We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
