Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
