Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
