If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize