I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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