beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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