I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
