You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
