I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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