He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
