i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
