covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
