Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
