Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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