i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
