I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
