why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
