He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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