Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
