explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
