i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think my moral compass just broke
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
