I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
