i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
